Discovering Bodies
by let-them-say-what-they-will
Summary: Tegan and Sara are now 15 and they are experiencing new feelings and needs. And when it's hard to admit things, they try to hide behind the thinnest lie and pretend nothing it's happening. Quincest. I'm sorry for my bad English, it's not my first language.
1. Softness

**A/N**

_Hi guys. Here we are with the first chapter of a new ff. I think this will be not longer than 3 or 4 chapter._  
_Now... this is kind of sweet and crazy and ridiculous I guess. But those are things that really had happened in my life when I was young and I thought it would be 'funny' to use my 'strange' experiences to write a Quincest story. I put Sara in my shoes, so most of her thoughts are thinks I actually thought at the time, and all the physical situations are as they had happened. The other things are fictional, like Tegan thoughts, twins things and stuff. I don't have a twin so for me it was a little different but it's still awkward. Plus, all of that happened when I was really young, but I made things happen to them when they were 15 years old, an age I'm comfortable with XD. _  
_This chapter is kinda of sweet and not big things happen but I hope you will enjoy it. _

**Chapter 1: Softness**

_**[1995, February]**_

_Sara POV:_

We are just come back from school. I just want to be alone, I had a rough day. I had a big fight with my best friend, she said that I'm behaving strangely lately. I don't know what her meant. She is the one who find a boyfriend and left me behind. I just started to hang out with other people. I think she's jealous. Maybe she misses me like I miss her. But it's ok. It's not the first time we have a fight, and I know that probably tomorrow we will be ok again, even if she said strange things to me, and that hurts. I'm tired, maybe I just need a nap.

"Are you ok, Sara?" the voice of my twin sister reaches me from behind. She closes the door behind us.  
"Yeah, it's just... I had a little fight with Caren," I say to her. She smiles at me.  
"That bitch," she says, doing a funny face. I know she doesn't mean that, she's trying to cheer me up. She knows that I love Caren and she's my best friend.  
"Yeah, next time I'll kick her ass," I say grinning.  
"Do you wonna watch a movie with me?" she asks to me, with a large smile on her face.  
"No thanks, I had headache, I'm going to take a nap," I say smiling back at her.  
"You're so boring. You're getting old, sis" she says, pushing me.  
"Oh yeah, but you are older than me, remember that," I say pushing her back.  
"Nah, I'm just wiser," she gives me a gummy smile. It always makes me laugh.  
"See you later, Methuselah," I mock her. She gives me a middle finger, laughing.

I see her jump heavily on the couch, and turn on the television. She takes the remote and starts to switch channels. I go to take two glasses of water and give one to her. She thanks me as I go toward the stairs.

"If you need something, just scream," Tegan's shoot over her shoulder.  
"Sure," I say back.

I really love my sister. She's so funny and gentle. Sometime she acts crazy, but is one of the things people love the most about her. One of the things **I** love the most about her. You never get bored around Tegan. We fight a lot, but she's always near me when I need her, and she always makes me smile and laugh. She's also a very sweet person. I'm so lucky to have Tegan.  
I go straight to my bed, and close my eyes taking a deep breath. After a couple of minutes, I take the book I'm reading. It helps me to distract myself from my thoughts. After half an hour, I give up. My headache it's killing me. I turn on my side and close my eyes. I know I'll not able to fall asleep right now, but to rest my eyes looks like a great idea.  
I'm starting to relax when I hear Tegan footsteps. It surprises me when I realize she's not going to her room. I hear her steps coming closer to my door. She opens my door quietly and enter the room. I don't move, I just lay still on the bed. I hear a little sigh escaping her, and I can feel her smiling. I smile too because I know she can't see me. She goes back, and a few seconds later I hear her close the door.  
She starts to play with her guitar few minutes later. She's getting better at it, and I know she's working on a couple of songs.  
It relaxes me to listen to her music. She's working on a melody that seems a little bit melancholic, she's been working on it for few days now. After something like twenty minutes, she starts to play the melody entirely. It's the first time I hear the whole thing. I feel kinda sad. I mean, I always see her smiling at people, have fun. It's so strange to hear something that somber coming from her. I'm such a bad sister, how could I be so blind as not to see her anguish? But I don't know, maybe it's just a song. I don't want to think about that.  
I hear the music stops, and then the door. She's coming to my room again. I hear the door handle turn and her bare foot reaching my bed. She walks around my bed, and I feel the mattress sags under Tegan's weight.  
I hold my breath for a moment, but I don't open my eyes. I don't know why. This is so new, she never snuck into my room like this. I'm a little nervous. I don't know what she wants, but in a way, I like to have Tegan here right now, close to me. I feel the mattress move as she comes closer. Now I can feel her breath. I thought she could be high, but she's not, no trace of anything in her breath. I can feel my heart pumping faster, but I don't want to open my eyes. I'm scared, and excited at the same time, and that's strange. She touches my cheek with her fingers, and I know I'm blushing. I hope she doesn't notice. It's the lightest touch I've ever felt. Her fingers are studying my face, giving me shivers. When her fingers reach my lips, my heart jumps into my chest. She's softly rubbing her middle finger on my lips. She's bending on me, and I feel her short breath. I know she's more scared and anxious than me. I don't know if I want this, I can't think if I'm comfortable with this or not, I don't know anything anymore. I don't know how to feel. But I don't want her to feel bad about this. I don't want to feel bad because I'm letting her do this. Something rips all of my thoughts away. The feeling of Tegan lips on mine. I freeze. I can't breath, I can't think. I just feel... her lips are so soft on mine, she's so gentle as she doesn't want to wake me. I don't know if she knows that I'm awake, or if we are both pretending I am to feel less guilty, to have the chance, later, to pretend this isn't happening. I don't want her to feel guilty about this. This is why I don't move. But maybe it's not just that. Maybe I know that if I had been awake, she would have expected me to scream at her, but I don't want to do it, and I can't admit to Tegan that I... I'm enjoying this moment of intimacy. I don't kiss her back. I know I can't if we want to keep this illusion. She sucks gently on my bottom lip, just for a moment, before break the kiss. It lasted just a few second, but it seems a lifetime.  
I feel her fingertips again as she gently moves a strand of hair away from my face.

"You're so beautiful," she whispers in my ear.

And then she goes away, leaving me alone in my room. I trace mi lips with my fingers. My face is on fire and my heart is running. I can't believe it's happened. I can't believe I let it happen. I can't believe Tegan could be so sweet to me. I can't believe I missed the touch of her lips already.

_Tegan POV:_

The images I see on the screen doesn't really enter my mind. I'm watching them to distract myself, but my thoughts are elsewhere.  
I saw Sara upset at school. I saw her fighting with her best friend, and I know now she needs a little time alone to process the day. She's so logical. Sometimes it scares me. I mean, she seems always so quite and calm and kinda emotionless. Even when she's going through something that really bothers her.  
I'm concerned about this. I don't know how she deals with her emotions, and I don't want to think she's doing something stupid. But maybe I should go to check out on her.  
I shut off the television and go upstairs. I go straight to her room. Time had passed since the last time I did a thing like that. It was like a silent agreement since now we are grown, and we need some privacy. We've never talked about this, we simply stopped to go one in the room of the other without permission. But I just want to know if she's Ok.  
I open her door trying to be silent. I see her figure on her bed. I take a few steps into her room, she's facing the window giving me her back. I can't say if she's asleep, but I think she is, or probably she would have screamed at me to go away. I smile as a little sighs escape my lips.  
Maybe I was concerned about nothing. She seems to be Ok.  
I exit her room to reach my own.

I fall heavily on my bed. I don't know, but I'm thinking a lot about my sister lately. I don't know why. I care a lot about her, and it hurt me to see her upset. I just want her to be happy. But it not just that. I saw her change. Her body changed, her mind changed, her behavior changed. And it's kinda of attractive because physically we are still almost identical, but our inner selves are changed, and it's fascinating to look at her. It's like looking at something I could have been, but something I will never be. It's so strange.  
Sometimes I just reach out my hand to touch her, to feel what it's like to touch me. It's something that twist my mind. But... I know it's strange, maybe it's something that have to do with hormones but... I have strange feelings and thoughts when she is around me. I think it started when I noticed her new attitude around girls. It's as if she's tries to draw their attention, and she want them to appreciate her. Maybe it's all in my mind, but when she acts like that, in my presence, I feel something. Surely she gets **my** attention.  
I don't really know what to think. But sometimes it makes me feel strange and kinda of sad, and I don't know even why.

I take my guitar. Since those feelings came out, I've started to write a melody that somehow reflects those feelings. Yeah, it's not that good, I think. But I'm working on it. Maybe I could work on it now, it could be helpful. I almost finished, and the whole thing don't sound that bad. But it's kinda of sad. I think I'm getting better with my guitar, but playing this make me think about her even more.  
I want to talk with her a little, maybe I can help her with her problem with Caren, so I could feel better about myself, and I can spend a little time with her.

I go toward her door again. I open it as quietly as the first time. I want to talk with her but I don't want to wake her. If she's still asleep I will let it go. I took a few steps into her room again. She's still facing the window so I guess she's sleeping.  
Seeing that I'm already here and that I've broke a silent rule, maybe I could just take a look around. I look at her room's walls. Maybe we are changed, but we have similar taste in music. There are a few posters of people I don't know, but the most of them are bands that I know and love too. I walk around her bed to look at her. Oh God, she so sweet when she's asleep. She seems so relaxed. I sit on her bed, and for a moment I freeze. I really don't want to wake her, I know she would be mad at me.  
I bend to get a little closer. I think it's the first time that I can do a thing like this. Study her face at this close distance. It easier to see the little differences between us now. I look at the little scar near her left eyebrow. She had chicken pox a couple of years ago, and a couple of scars are still there. But that makes her even more beautiful. I mean... yeah, I meant that, I've never realized that before, but Sara is really beautiful. I always thought she was a nice girl, like I am. Maybe I thought that only because we are so similar and if I'm nice, she has to be too. Right? But looking at her as I am doing now, noticing all the little differences I've never noticed before, I can say that she's really beautiful. And to think like that about Sara, make me feel strange.  
I look at her even closer. I think it's just my imagination but... there is a little hint of pink on her cheeks? No it can't be. I know that if she had been awake, she would have screamed at the top of her lungs. I can't help myself, I want to touch her. So I do. I'm so scared to wake her that I barely touch her skin, I don't even know if I'm actually touching her. I move my hand slowly, her skin it's so soft that every time my fingertips make contact, I feel like a shock everywhere in my body. I can feel the heat radiating from her body, and it's strange. Or maybe it's my hand. I don't really know. My hand slowly reaches her mouth. I let my middle finger trace her bottom lip. I can't believe how soft it is. It's the softest thing I've ever touched. I touch my own lips with the other hand. My lips are soft but not like hers.  
Before I can stop myself, my lips are touching hers. It's not like I've never kissed someone before, but I never felt like this. I think it's because I'm so scared that she could wake up, I'm so scared that I'm doing something really wrong. But the feelings that this little touch gives to me, are incredible. Our lips are barely touching, and I'm shivering. I press a little more just to suck a little at her bottom lip. Just a little. Just to feel the softness of that lip. I don't even touch her lip with my tongue, I'm too scared. I'm so lost in my thoughts and sensations that the few seconds have passed, seems like hours to me.  
I broke the kiss. If we can call it a kiss. I look at her for a moment. She's now red in her face. I don't want to think she is awake. It's not possible, I refuse to believe that she can be awake. She would never let me do a thing like that. No, she's not awake. I touch her face again, just to move a strand of hair away from her face.  
I bend again, and I whisper in her ear, "You're beautiful," then I go away.

As soon as I am in my room, I bury my head into the pillow. I feel something in my chest. My heart beats so fast. I feel guilty and scared. I kissed my own sister. I kissed her whilst she was asleep. I know it's wrong. It's wrong that I'd kissed my sister. It's wrong that I did it when she was 'unconscious'. This is the thing that make me feel sad the most. I mean, she would have fought me if she had been awake. Or better, probably I would have never tried to do such a thing if she had been awake. I stole a kiss from my own twin sister. That should not have happened. It's not like I didn't ever do things that I should not have done. But Jesus, she's my sister. She would hate me. And the worst thing is that if I could go back, I would do it again.


	2. Warmth

**A/N**

_Ok... this is a long chapter and I'm sorry for my shitty English. I hope you'll like it anyway._  
_And... I'm sorry if Sara sounds rather desperate, but truth is that I really was in the situation. And even if the last things really happened to... all the first part is pure fiction ahahahaha._  
_Please review this, so I know someone is reading :)_

**Chapter 2: Warmth  
**

_**Sara POV:**_

Two weeks passed since she kissed me. We are both pretending that nothing happened, and we're doing it well, more or less. She acted a little shyly around me for a couple of days, but I didn't want her to feel ashamed so I acted as naturally as possible. Truth is that I thought about it a lot. Since then, I started to act even more openly with other girls. I mean, I guess I always knew I was gay. I had boyfriends in the past, maybe we didn't go so far but just the simple gesture of kiss them, felt strange to me. Then she kissed me. I felt a lot of things all together, and I don't know if it was because it was Tegan or because she's a girl. I don't know what I feel but I decided to go out with other girls.  
I know that it's stupid, but for few days I waited for her in my room, lying on my side facing the window, and hoping she would come back to kiss me again. Then I realized how gross I was. I mean, she probably regretted that, and I feel stupid because I enjoyed it. I thought even to make a move myself but she supposes I don't even know that something happened, so I can't.  
After a week I was just tired to wait for her, and to struggle with my thought. I felt so stupid that I just let it go, and started to look to other girls.  
I think I felt kind of protected with her, but seeing the way she treats me now, it's obvious that she is not interested.  
And then is when Tegan has began to act bitchy. The first week went well but then, she started to avoid me and being aggressive with me.  
When we are with our friends and she sees me with other girls, she makes bad jokes and she makes fun of me. Sometime she just push pass me even if there all the space in the world. She's starting to piss me off. I don't know what is her problem.

Tonight we have a double-date thing. It's not officially a double date, because Tegan will be with her boyfriend, but the other one is Caren, my friend. We made up about our fight, and her story with her boyfriend lasted just a week. She said she didn't like how he kiss and that made me laugh hard. So, I think I'm going to make a move on her tonight. I like her, she's so funny and I know her well. Yeah, maybe I don't know her like I know Tegan, but it obvious I can't ask Tegan out, so.  
After Tegan kissed me, I became more interdependent, and I flirted a lot with girls even if I don't really know if they get it. The only one that changed her behavior around me is Caren. I think she likes my attention now, or maybe she just wants to try something different, I can't really say, but I hope it's not just that.  
And of course, Tegan is changed. I don't know if the kiss have to do with the way she acts with me now, better, I don't want to think about that.

By the way, I'm wondering where she is. We have to go in half an hour and she isn't at home.  
Oh a knock on the door, I hope it's her.

_**Tegan POV:**_

I hate this, I don't want to go out with Sara and her stupid friend. I don't even want to go out with Jason. I enjoyed his company for a bit but now he wants more and I just don't. He is impatient and sometimes that scares me. I don't want to go that far with him, not yet. Not ever, maybe. Fuck, every time I'm with him, and kissing him, all I can do it's just to think about Sara's lips. They were totally different, so soft and sweet. Her kiss was the first kiss that I felt was right, not odd, yeah, maybe it was odd because she's my sister, and she didn't kissed me back, but even with all my guilty feelings, it felt so right. Jason it's always rough when he touches and kisses me, and I don't know, I don't really like the taste of his mouth. I don't know what it is, I just don't like it anymore. I think I'm going to break up with him as soon as possible. Maybe tomorrow. But for tonight, he is my boyfriend.  
After the kiss with Sara, I spent a lot of time in his company, it made me think less about her. Lately I thought so much about her, but after I kissed her, she was the only thing I could think about. And I don't think it's healthy. I mean, she's my sister, right? So, this is wrong. I can't help my thoughts but when he is around me, I know I'm not going to act out of them. I think of him like a guardian. When he is by my side, I can't do stupid things. But nevertheless, I avoided his touch as long as it was possible, but the day he just wanted to make out with me again, arrived soon. And in the moment our lips connected, I knew that I can't feel with him what I felt with Sara, and that sucks. It was a mistake to kiss her, why I was so stupid? Why I didn't think about the consequences? Why she has to be so beautiful? Why I can't think about anything else? What the hell I'm thinking? Shut the fuck up Tegan!  
I don't know what to think. I'm with this guy and I can't even kiss him anymore. And every time I see Sara around other girls I feel my stomach clench. And again, it sucks. I feel the most stupid person in the world, I'm fucked up I know. And this night will be hell. Why did I agree in the first place? I don't know. I crave to have Sara around and when she is I hate it, and I hate myself. And all I can do it's convey all those fucking mix feelings in one... anger. I know I'm acting bitchy on her, and I guess I'm a little jealous. Jesus Christ I'm jealous of my own fucking sister.

This is why I'm late tonight, I want to avoid her. And the most stupid thing? I just get my hair cut. I would like to pretend I did to impress Jason, but who I wonna fool? I don't want even him to touch me. I did it for Sara, I want her to look at me and see something different, someone different. I had this very long hair and now they are barely shoulder length. I like it and I hope she likes it too. I don't even know why, I mean, even without hair I would be her sister anyway, so there is no point in trying to impress her. Fuck you Tegan.  
I can't hold over anymore... Jesus Tegan, what are you doing?

I ring the bell waiting to Sara to open the door, and soon I hear her footsteps.  
"Where the fuck have you b-" she stops in the middle of the sentence when she sees me. I don't really know if it's a good sign. She looks at me without a word and I can't read her expression. This is one of those time when I want all that stupid twin-thelepatic thing to be true. I try a smile but she just opens more the door and steps aside to give me space to enter. As I pass her, I hear a sigh and I turn. Is she blushing? I don't have the time to check as she turns to close the door.

"Hey, nice hair cut," she says to me, and I'm not sure if she's teasing me. I say nothing.  
"Are you trying to impress Jason?" she asks to me.  
"Maybe..." I say looking at her in the eyes.  
"Yeah, he'll be pretty impressed I guess," she says, but the face she makes, make me think she regret what she said, "if you're lucky you'll get some tonight," she says smirking. She says it in a tone that I don't like. I can feel the blood start to boil in my veins.  
"Yeah, I can't wait to ride on his cock," I say, it sound so strange even to my ears. It's not like me to talk like this, but I want her to react. I can see she's taken aback. I don't know what I'm trying to do, I want to see if she's jealous? Why she should be? I mean, she didn't even know we kissed, she didn't want it, so why she should be jealous? I think I'm going crazy.  
"Jesus, you're a slut," she says to me, turning away.  
"Yeah, at least I'm not a fucking dyke," I say angrily. And as the word slip from my mouth, I regret it. She turns to me and walk slowly toward me. I want about run away, but I can't. I don't want her to think I'm scared o weak. And I think I deserve whatever is coming. She takes my now shorter hair into her fist and pull my head back. I feel her breath on my ear.  
"At least I'm not afraid to be myself," she says through clenched teeth. This time I'm the one taken aback, and I blush violently at her words. I have no time to say something because our mom enter the room.  
"What are you doing, Sara?" she says to her, looking at her intently.  
"I was just saying her how much I like her new hair cut," she say without even turning to face mom, but she pulls my hair a little more before loose her grip.

She looks at me for a few more seconds, and her eyes are burning holes in my soul. Her words still echoing in my mind. What she meant with that?  
We haven't the time to say anything else, the doorbell rings again, and as soon as we are out, I take Jason by his hand.

"Awwwww" I hear behind us. Is Sara and she is mocking us. I fucking hate her right now. Why she makes me do this things? I don't know, but I turn and place a little kiss on Jason lips. I see the smirk on his face and I don't like it. I turn my head a little more to gaze behind my shoulder. Sara is clenching her teeth, and that makes her perfect jawline stand out even more. I don't know If I'm more surprised by my thoughts or by her reaction.

_**Sara POV:**_

To see her kiss Jason hit me harder than I thought. I wanted to piss her off but now I am the one pissed off. And even if I don't want to show it, I can't. And when I clench my teeth in anger, she sees me. Fuck.

We walk toward the cinema quietly, there are small talks but we stay silent most of the way. When we arrive to the cinema, Jason and Tegan buy their own ticket. I buy a ticket for me and one for Caren. I smile at her handing her her ticket, and she smiles back warmly. I smile inside, one point for Sara. We go to the bar to take something to eat. Tegan and Jason take popcorn and chips, I took a coke for Caren and an hotdog for me, I didn't eat anything at home and I'm starving. We enter the movie theater and sit on the back. This stupid horror movie came out a couple of weeks ago, so there's only few people besides us.

Halfway trough the movie, I notice Jason hand on Tegan's knee. I feel something burn inside of me, I look at Caren and take her hand interweaving our fingers. She smiles at me, and I let a sigh of relief escape my lips because I'm not sure about the situation. After ten more minutes, I feel Tegan's leg moving nervously near mine. I look at them again, and I see that Jason hand is now on her inner thigh. He has a disgusting smirk on his face, I just want to punch that fucking smile on his face. Tegan turns her head to look at me, and she notices my angry face. She's pleased about that, and she gives me a smirk, and now I hate her even more than Jason. Without thinking at all, I turn my head toward Caren, and my sudden movement makes her turn too. I capture her lips with mine. She freeze for a couple of second and I start to panic, but then she starts to kiss me back. I hear a sigh behind me, and I smile in the kiss before lose myself into it.

_**Tegan POV**__**:**_

She's kissing Caren, and Caren is kissing her back. I just want to puke. I don't know what to do, so I turn around and kiss Jason. I kiss him hard, and seconds later his tongue is into my mouth. This doesn't really help with my sense of nausea. But instead of withdraw, I put my hand between his legs and move my hand up and down. A guttural sound rises from his throat and vibrates into my mouth. It's disgusting. Now I feel his hand cupping me toward the fabric of my jeans. Less then a minute and he stand up from his seat and pull me with him toward the bathroom.

I turn my head to Sara, she's still making out with Caren so she can't see the panic on my face. I want to scream but the lump in my throat cut every sound.  
Moments later, he is pushing me into a disgusting stall. The horrible smell and the wet floor suggest that we are into the men room. His hands are ravishing me, and his mouth is on my neck. I want to run away but his body is pinning me to the wall.

"Please... No," it's all I can say. He looks at me but his eyes are full of lust and I know there's no way I can stop him.  
"I know you want it too," he says in a low, trembling voice. I can feel his hard cock when he pushes his hips into me. The sound that escape his lips it's horrible, and I start to panic and cry. I cry silently and even If in my mind I want to fight back, my body just doesn't respond. He starts to unbuttoning my jeans.

_**Sara POV:**_

I make out with Caren for few minutes I guess, I don't really know. It felt good. They are not Tegan's lips but she's nice and a good kisser. She breaks the kiss and looks at me. She start to giggle timidly and I do the same.

"Sara, you're a great kisser, but I think I'm not into this," she gestures between us, and I feel so stupid and awkward, and I know I'm blushing violently.  
"No, no Sara, don't worry, I mean... I wanted to try and, I'm so stupid, I'm sorry," she says, she feels ashamed and I can tell she is worried she hurt my feelings. I don't want to tell her that I didn't have feelings for her and I was just distracting myself and trying to feel something new. I am the one whom should feel ashamed.  
"Are we ok?" I ask to her.  
"Of course," she says smiling, and I smile too. I think we are both relieved.  
It's only when I return my attention to the screen that at the corner of my eyes I notice the absence of Tegan and Jason.  
"Where are they?" I ask to Caren, I can't hide the worry in my tone.  
"I guess they went to the bathroom few minutes ago," she says with a mischievous voice.

I stand up from my seat almost instantly. I don't know why but I rush to the bathroom ignoring Caren's voice behind me. I don't even know what she's saying. I run toward the women bathroom and open the door violently. There is only a girl looking at herself into the mirror and she jumps when I enter. I don't even care she's looking at me like I'm crazy. I look into the four stall, they are all empty. I rush out the door and go to the men bathroom. I open the door without even think that there could be someone in there. As soon as I open the door, the smell hit my nose. I freeze for a moment, and then I hear a little thud and a sigh come from one of the stalls. I see that the lock is broken so I have no problem to open it.

I freeze. For a moment I can't move, I can't think, I can't even breath. Jason's hands are all over Tegan, his breath is erratic and I can see the bump into his pants. It take me one second to realize what is happening, the moment my eyes meet Tegan's face, I know. She looks like if she's lifeless. I don't even know if she's breathing. A blind rage explode into me.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU SON OF A BITCH," I scream as I push Jason as hard as I can. My anger gives me extra strength, and I see Jason hit hard the wall. Tegan is still leaned to the wall of the stall, she doesn't move, she doesn't look at me. I see Jason come toward me, and I see his hand moves, but I don't react in time, the back of his hand hit my face.

_**Tegan POV:**_

"MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, BITCH," I hear as his hand hit my sister's face. I'm not even sure I see what happen, but I hear the sound and the screams, and the sound that escape Sara's mouth, brought me to reality again. I see her on the floor, her hand on her cheek. A few tears falling from her eyes. But looking into her eyes I know she's not scared. I had never seen that look. She looks crazy, and anger and hate are one her face. She tries to react, and when Jason goes near her, she tries to punch him, but he blocks her fist and take her by her wrist, and tightens his grip. He moves the other hand back as he wants to hit her again. Sara's eyes doesn't even blink, she shows no fear. All happens in a matter of seconds.

When his arm is stretched behind him, ready to hit, I grab his forearm, and when he turns, my fist hit his face.  
"DON'T TOUCH HER," I scream at the top of my lungs. He loses his grip on Sara's wrist and fall on his back. I straddle him and start to punch him. I don't even know where. My fury and tears are blinding me. Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder, I turn abruptly but Sara doesn't move.  
"Tegan, stop," she says to me, and her voice is soft as she's trying to calm me. I stand up slowly and look at my hand. They are red and sore. I look at Jason face, his nose is bleeding. I go to the nearest sink and wash away the blood.  
Sara and I exit the bathroom and the theater, heading at home without even thinking about Caren.  
The walk to home is silent and when we reach it, I go to my room without a word.

I change myself for the night, and lay on my bed, exhausted. I'm reliving the events of the night. How could I be that stupid? That son of a bitch almost... raped me just because I wanted to piss off Sara? I'm that fucked up? God, she saved me... I can't do anything else but cry. I feel so ashamed of myself. I just want to die. She get hurt because I'm so stupid. The thought of Jason hand hitting her face makes me cry harder. After a couple of minutes I manage to calm down, but I feel the need to thank her, I need to say to her that I'm sorry.

_**Sara POV:**_

I hear a soft knock on my door.

"Sara? May I come in?" Tegan's voice asks softly. She's talking in a low tone, probably because she doesn't want to wake me if I'm asleep.  
"Yeah," I say simply. I thought about stay quiet and see if she enter my room on her own, but I don't what to risk. I don't want her to go away.

She enters the room and softly close the door behind her. I can hear her light footstep approaching my bed in the darkness. She stops near my bed and seconds later I feel her weight on the mattress. She puts a hand on my arm.

"Thank you Sara. You saved me, you know?" her voice come out so softly that I can barely hear her. I stay quite for some time, pondering what to say.  
"He was hurting you, Tegan. You can be bitchy on me or I could be angry at you, but that doesn't mean I will let anyone touch you," I say calmly. But I have a question burning inside me.  
"Tegan..." I start, putting a hand on her shoulder and moving it down on her arm slowly, "you are so strong, I know you could beat him... and you did. But why didn't you react? Why did you let him do that?" and I hear my voice crack a little. I don't really know why, maybe it's the thought of her eyes in that moment, so empty. I feel a tear falling down. She takes my hand from her arm and start to play with my fingers.  
"I don't know, Sara. I was there and in my mind I was screaming and punching but my body was paralyzed. I just wanted to disappear," and I know she was ashamed and scared about what happened, and about her lack of reaction.  
"But you reacted when he hit me," and it comes out more as a question that a statement. She squeezes my hand tightly.  
"No one can hurt my sister," she says firmly, looking at me into the eyes, even If I can't real see her gaze, I feel it intensity.  
"I was like paralyzed but then saw him hitting you. I don't know what happened to me. When he touched you, something switched inside of me, I got blind with anger I guess. I wanted to kill him. I don't care if something happens to me but I'll never let something bad happen to you," she says seriously to me.

I'm shocked. I never thought she could feel like that about me, and I know that I did what I did because I feel the same about her. I don't know if she actually could see me, or if I started to sob without knowing it, but she reach out her hand to gently wipe away tears that I didn't notice are started to fall from my eyes. I stretch my arms out and pull her in a tight hug. She squeeze me gently, and softly kiss my cheek.

"You know, I didn't imagine you could hide so much strength into your tiny body, sis," she says trying to ease the tension, I feel her smile near my ear and I giggle a little.  
"I have to remember that the next time we'll have a fight," she continues withdrawing from me. I smile.  
"It wasn't strength, it was fear, fury and madness," I say looking at her. She smiles.  
"Anyways, thank you for saving me," she says squeezing my arm.  
"No, Tegan, thank you," I say, taking her hand and nuzzling my face into her palm.

I feel the movement of the mattress when she start to stand up, but I don't let her hand go, rather I pull her down again. I don't want her to leave. I'm not really into sharing my bed with someone, or cuddling, or all that kind of things. They are more Tegan's things. But I really want to feel her close to me right now. I want to fall asleep with the comforting heat radiating from her body. But even if I really want it, I feel awkward to actually ask.

"Tegan..." I start again. I'm so glad she can't see me blushing right now. But I don't know how to ask. And I don't know if she actually has some kind of telepathic connection with me but she says it for me.  
"Sara do you think I could... sleep here? I don't want to stay alone tonight," she says shyly in a whisper.

I smile widely as I move to give her space, and then pat the spot near me. She looks surprised because she know I love to have my space. She lie down facing me, and I can feel her hot breath on my face. She is so close and now I can see her a little better in spite of the darkness in the room. She's looking at me intently, and I close my eyes because I can't stand her gaze. I feel the heat of her hand before she touch me, her fingertips are gently touching my face. She lock a strain of hair behind my ear before stroking lightly my cheek. She's so gentle that I don't even know if she's really touching me.

"It hurts?" she asks me, as she trace my jawline and hold her hand her while rubbing my cheek with her thumb. I open my eyes again and smile at her.  
"A little, it look likely I will have a black eye tomorrow," I say to her.  
"I'm so sorry," she says to me sighing.  
"It's not your fault, and how about your hands?" I try to reassure her as I take her hand from my face and carry it to my lips. I kiss her knuckles one by one. I know it should be odd, but I feel so close to her right now, and it's feel like a right thing to do.  
"I'm ok. And yes, it is, it's my fault," and this time I see a tear falling from her eye on her nose.  
"Don't talk like that, I owe you my face," I giggle a little watching the little tear tracing her nose. I wipe it away and she smile to me.  
"Yeah, it would be a crime to ruin something that beautiful," she says, and I can feel her blushing even if I can't actually see the color forming on your cheeks. I know she's blushing at her own words, and I'm blushing too. I'm not used to her compliments and my heart jumps a little into my chest. She lean in to kiss gently my cheek again and I smile.  
"I really like your hair, Tegan," it's the first thing that comes to my mind and I feel a little awkward saying this. She laugh a little, and I join her.  
"Good night Sara," she says to me.  
"Good night," I say before closing my eyes.

_**Tegan POV:**_

She closes her eyes and I do the same, but I can't really fall asleep. I listen to the sound of her breath. Less then ten minutes later, I can say she's asleep. I open my eyes to look at her. Her lips are slightly opened, and her bottom lip in a natural pout that makes her really cute. I can't help myself but smile at her sweet expression. I can't see her clearly due to the dark, but I lose myself again in her features, and my eyes always come back to those inviting lips. I don't even notice that I'm slowly get closer to her. I put one hand on her face again, touching her softly and let my fingertips slide to her neck and collarbone, where I hold it. I feel my heart beats faster as she move a little under my touch, her head move even closer and her lips part a little more. I can feel my pulse in my temples as I try to hold back my urge to kiss her again. I don't want to do that. I mean, I want, but all the things happened today, they happened due to my stupid kiss. I want to go away, but suddenly a little low moan escape her lips, and I feel it in my core. I can't fight anymore, my lips touch hers.

_**Sara POV:**_

I am almost asleep when I feel her touching me again. I do my best not to flinch in surprise, I don't want to move, I don't want her to know that I'm awake. I try to breath calmly but my heart is beating fast in anticipation. I know what could happen, I don't know if she intends to kiss me again but I really hope she'll do it. I feel her fingertips slid to my neck and shocks are send to my center. I can't hold myself, I need to move to ease the tension. I move a little and let out a moan when I squeeze a little my thighs, searching some kind of relief, my core it's throbbing. I don't have any time to think, her lips are on mine.

She massage my lips with hers, and then she sucks gently on my bottom lip. I feel her tongue on my sensible skin, and a second later her teeth are beating softly at my flesh. I desperately hold the low moan that wants to escape from my throat. I can't let myself do that, ruin all of this.

But now I'm desperate for more. My mouth is slightly open and I pray she would slip her tongue inside my mouth. I never wanted something more desperately than this. I almost want to cry, my tongue move into my mouth, I want to touch her lips with the tips of my tongue to let her know what I want, but I'm so afraid to do so. I'm screaming deep inside of me, and I squeeze my thighs even more, and I feel the wetness. I think I'm going to explode. This time her kiss is longer than the first time, but eventually she breaks the kiss.

I'm fight so hard to hold my tears of desperation. I'm going crazy and I'm almost ready to take control of the situation and take what I want. I move a little again, opening my lips a little more, hoping she get the hints, hoping she wants this like I do, hoping she needs me like I need her. She's breathing heavier, I don't open my eyes but I know she's not leaving me, she's close to me and her breath caress my face every time she exhales. I know that my breath is erratic like hers but I hope she doesn't notice.  
I move again a little, letting a little sound rise from my throat. It's like a little groan, something that could escape in deep sleep. She holds her breath for a moment, then I feel it.

The tip of her tongue licks gently my upper lip and her hand reaches my chin. I feel her thumb on my bottom lip, she touch it gently and then with her hand she opens my mouth a little more pushing on my chin. A few second passed without anything happens, the longest and more desperate seconds of my life, I can't even feel her breath. And then, her lips are on mine again, and she timidly slip her tongue into my mouth. My heart stop for a second as her tongue dance slowly in my mouth, exploring every inch. I can't handle myself anymore. When her tongue caress mine, I kiss her back. I desperately try to make it look like it not like that. I don't touch her, I don't try to devour her like every fiber of my body ask. I move my tongue softly with hers, and a deep moan escape her, vibrating everywhere in me.

I know that by know probably she know I'm awake, but I stupidly hope she didn't. She breaks the kiss for a second, and once again, I hope she doesn't notice my heavy breathing. I want this so badly, but at the same times I don't want this to change things between us. I don't want awkwardness stand between us because of our action, I don't want our relationship to change. I know I'm a fool to think this, even if I were actually asleep, things would be change because of her action. I know that just me admitting my desire has changed everything. But I still try hard to pretend it doesn't. I feel so stupid about this but the only things that can match my desire, is my fear. I don't know why but I'm afraid she could get mad at me if she known I'm awake, I feel like I can ruin her life just opening my eyes in this moment. So I freeze here. This is why it surprise me to feel her hand reaching the nape of my neck, and I almost make it more obvious that I'm awake, like kissing her back wasn't enough.

I just think that if we don't make any eye contact, she can pretend this something that only she knew, and I can pretend it's something happening only in my dreams. And it's killing me because I'm so desperate this to be true but at the same time I'm so desperate to separate it from the rest of my life.

She pull me closer to her and crush our lips together again, this time not so gentle. She kissed me hard, with such passion that I can't hold a little moan. I never thought someone could show me something so powerful, I never thought something like that could even exist. It's so hard and painful to not touch her. I want to put my hands into her hair, to touch and feel her but I can't, this tiny illusion is the only thing we have to remain sane. But once more, I kiss her back, I move my tongue against hers and I feel I can melt into her. She start to moan into my mouth, driving me insane. She sends shock to my core and I can feel the increasing wetness between my legs as I squeeze them, searching for some kind of release. She breaks the kiss again, holding her hand on the back of my head. I can feel her gaze on me even if my eyes are closed. I don't dear to move as I try to steady my breath. When I calm down, her breath is still a little short, and I can't understand if she's sobbing or what as her hand is caressing my hair.

_**Tegan POV:**_

I catch her bottom, pouting lip between my lips, and even if I kissed her before, I'm surprised about the softness. This time I let the tip of my tongue caressing her lip as I suck it gently. And before I knew it, my teeth are playing with her soft flesh. I'm biting her softly and that increase my desire. I break the kiss to look at her.

Her breath it's a little short and for a moment I panic. I think she could be awake but in that case she would probably slap me. Maybe it's just because my action are affecting her sleep, her dreams, maybe my lips made her dream about something related what I'm doing. I'm trying to justify her short breath and that it's ridiculous. I think about the thing she said to me today, about the fact she wasn't afraid to be herself. I don't know why I'm thinking about that right now. I am afraid to be who I am, I'm afraid I could be a girl in love with her own sister. I don't even know if I'm gay, I just know that I feel this desperate need. And even if I'm afraid, I cant fight it.

I'm looking at her mouth, her lips parted and I think how her tongue would feel touching mine. My heart go even faster at the though.  
In that moment she moves again, and with a little groan her lips part a little more. It's like she's reading my mind into her sleep, doing all the right things in the right moment to drive me wild. Her low groan it's incredibly sexy to my ears and I feel it into my center. I hold my breath for a second as my hand reach her chin. I want to be sure she's asleep. I caress e push a little on her bottom lip, exposing her teeth. I smile looking at them, they are not perfect aligned as mine, but it's one of the little defects that make her so beautiful to my eyes. I let her lip go and low my hand to her little scar, that mark that in the first place brought my attention to that area of her face. It all started with that little scar, then I became obsessed with her lips. I push gently on her chin and her mouth opens a little more. I hold my breath once more, and I lean in. Our lips touch again and I slip my tongue inside her mouth, first caressing her lips. I explore her mouth meticulously, tracing the teeth I was looking at just seconds before. Then I push my tongue deeper into her mouth and finally I meet her tongue. It so warm and sweet and... it's moving! Her tongue is playing along with mine. I don't want to think about the implication, maybe she's kissing someone into her dreams. I like to think she's kissing me into her dreams, but I'm so scared to think she could be here, consciously kissing me, right now. But I know it's impossible. As her tongue gently dances with mine, I cant hold a moan. The wetness between my legs is increasing.

I broke the kiss and look at her, searching for signs she's awake. I'm so scared and the situation it's so out of mind that my brain just refuse to thing it could be like that. My brain says that she's just reacting unconsciously at images that my actions brought to her mind. She doesn't know she's kissing me, she would never allow a thing like that, and this thought make me sure she's asleep. And this give me courage.

I put a hand on the back of her neck and pull her in, our lips colliding and my tongue slips into her mouth quickly. I'm hunger of her. I want to take and taste as much as possible. I put all of my passion into this kiss. I know she can't feel that, she can't feel how desperately I need and want her. If she had been awake, she probably would be grossed about the desperate passion her twin sister feels toward her. But I don't mind right now, even if I'm a little sad she can't comprehend what I'm feeling, I'm happy her unconscious state plays in my favor. As my tongue dominate her mouth, I start to moan, I can't help it. The sensation of her tongue caressing mine, playing with mine, it's all too much and to make those little noises it's only thing that help me with the burning fire I feel in my heart, and somewhere else.

Eventually I broke the kiss again. I hold my hand on the back of her neck, caressing her hair. Her breath steadies quickly than mine. I wonder if breaking the kiss I broken her dream too. I wonder if she misses my touch. I know I already miss hers. My hand slid to her neck and up to her jawline then to her cheek. I caress her softly for few moments.

"What the hell are you doing, Tegan?" I whimper to myself, looking at my beautiful sister in front of me. I withdraw my hand from her face, and take one of her hands into mine and brought it to my lips. I kiss her hand and hold it between mine in the space between our bodies.  
"Why are you doing this to her?" I say, and in that moment I feel so guilty and ashamed that I just want to run away from her. From this uncontrollable desire that makes me do things that could potentially destroy her, destroy us. Few tears fall from my eyes as little sobs shake me lightly, then I fall asleep holding her hand.


	3. Wetness

**A/N**  
_Here another chapter._  
_This was the most awkward moment of my life, and I hope you will like this chapter ahahah._  
_I'm always sorry for my English._

_**Capter 3: Wetness**_

_**Sara POV:**_

When I wake up the next morning, Tegan is still near me, asleep. I can see the traces of her crying during the night. I wanted so desperately to comfort her, to let her know she wasn't destroying anything. But I couldn't. I was too scared to do that, to let her know she wasn't alone into this, to let this break us. And looking at her now, I feel so bad about it, I feel guilty because I'm letting her suffer. She thinks she's doing something wrong, something that could hurt me, but she's just doing things that I want desperately.  
I notice that she's holding one of my hands, I take it and place it on my heart, then I nestle myself against her chest, with my forehead just on her collarbone. I can see her chest rising and falling with her breath, and I can't avoid to think how big her breasts are. Mine are far smaller, but honestly, I like them that way, I don't know if I could feel comfortable with a chest like hers. Not that they are THAT big, but she's 15 years old and on her little body, they looks very big, and I can't deny it, they are beautiful, and I really want to touch them. Obviously, I cant.

But there are a couple of things that I can do, and when she wakes up, she will think I just shifted in my sleep. I put one of my hands under her breasts, so my index finger is in contact with her chest, and I feel so thrilled that I'm touching her, I caress her with my index finger for a moment, then I put the other hand on her side, leaving it there, flat. I close my eyes and start to follow her breath. I take a few deep breaths, taking in her sweet scent and recording it into my mind. I will never forget the natural smell of her skin. She smells so good that I wonder how she could taste.  
I try not to think about that, concentrating again on her breath and soon I feel myself drift off again.

_**Tegan POV:**_

When I wake up, and for a moment I feel confused. This is not my room and this is not my bed, and there is someone lying with me. It takes few seconds to remember all that happened the night before, and to remember where and with who I am. I look at the beauty in my arms. She's sleeping and her breath hits the skin on my collarbone with every exhale. Goosebumps erupt on my skin, and I feel the heat spreading on my face as soon as I feel her hands on my body. One of her hands is near my breasts and the other it's on my side, and I can feel the warmth near her hand. It feels so good and comforting.  
I don't really know what to do, I want to stay here and never let her go, but I know I cant do that. If she finds us like that when she wakes up, she would freak out. I have to go and let her wake up into her bed, with her space as she loves to wake. She let me sleep with her just because she knew I needed some comfort after the events of the last night, but that didn't mean that it's ok for her to have someone into her bed, occupying her precious space, especially me. But I think that maybe I could just stay here a few minutes, just to look at her.

And I do. Until my eyes focus on her cheek. She was right, she has a bruise on her cheek and under her eye there is this dark shadow. I feel my stomach clenches and my heart stop for a moment, it's all my fault. I want to touch her so badly but I know I would hurt her.  
I feel my eyes sting as tears threaten to fall so I do the only thing that can help me not to fall apart. I slide my hands on her back and pull her closer into a tight hug, I feel her hand between our bodies and her face is now in the crook of my neck. I breathe deeply, feeling the scent of her shampoo. I hold her for a couple of minutes, breathing and massaging her back. Then I let her go, and I try to slid away from her without wake her. She moves into her sleep, freeing me, so I hop off of bed and replace my body with the pillow I was sleeping on. She hugs it tightly, and my heart melts and aches at the same time. She looks so sweet, but I know I will never be that pillow.  
I go toward the door and turn to look at her one more time before leave her room.

_**Sara POV:**_

I wake up in an empty bed this time, and I sigh at the loss. A pillow is replacing Tegan's body, and I squeeze it tightly. I can smell Tegan's scent and the perfume of her shampoo on it, so I nuzzle my head into it and fill my nostril breathing deeply. I really hoped to wake up again with her body near me, but I would have known she wouldn't be there in the morning. I know that the guilty is hunting her.  
I stand up from the bed and I rub the sleep from my eyes. I winced in the moment my hands touch my eyes. I go to the mirror and look at my reflection, I have a bruise on my cheek and a black eye. Fuck, I look like a Panda.  
I go to the bathroom and prepare myself for the day. I don't really want to go to school and see all the people, and have all the teachers and friends ask me questions. I want to go back on my bed and hug the pillow that smells like Tegan and take in her scent till I can't smell it anymore.

When I go downstairs, Tegan is at the table and my mum is working around the kitchen. I sit across Tegan where there is a bowl of cereal ready for me. I dig in, stealing glances at Tegan. She looks intently at her own cereals, and it looks like she doesn't even notice I'm here.  
When mum turns again, she sees me but her smile fades away instantly.

"What happened to you, Sara?" she asks worried.

I don't know what to say, and surely I can't tell her the truth. Tegan has to do that, she has to tell mum what happened, if she wants mum to know what happened to her. I can't force her to talk if she doesn't want, and right now I can't think anything to make up a story.

"Sara, what hap-" her words stop into her throat.  
"TEGAN!" mum yelled.  
"How could you do that to your sister?" she says. I don't understand and I see that Tegan is confused too. Then I see my mum gaze darting between Tegan's eyes and her hand.  
Her knuckles are bruised. Mum's thinks she did this to me and I cant blame her, looking at my face and Tegan's hand, it makes sense.  
"Mum she didn't-" I was start to saying, but Tegan kicked me under the table. She prefers to take the blame that to say the truth to mum. I feel a war start inside of my heart. I want to talk to mum but I don't want to fight with Tegan. I swallow the lump into my throat and remain silent.  
"Yes? Explain yourself," mum says.  
"It was just an accident, she..." I don't really know what to say, I bend my head and look into my bowl.

_**Tegan POV:**_

I don't want mum to know what happened yesterday, what happened with Jason. So I don't say anything.  
"What do you have to say?" I hear mum's voice. I know she's talking to me but I don't really know what to say.  
"Like she said, it was an accident," I said weakly, I know she'll not buying it but I don't really know what else to do.  
"What kind of accident could make your hand hit her face like that Tegan, I really want to know," she said to me with a hint of sarcasm in her voice, but I just lock my gaze into the bowl, wanting to drown myself into the fucking cereals.  
"Perfect, you're grounded for a month, and no guitar," she says to me and then she leaves us.

I'm paralyzed. One month, and no guitar. I can feel my heart stops into my chest. My music was my peaceful land, the only thing that could ease my nerves and the only thing that helps me with my struggle with these feelings.  
I feel the tears forming into my eyes when I see my mum locking my guitar into the closet. I look at Sara for a moment, she looks worried and sad for me, but I don't need her sympathy. I just want to stop these feelings but I can't. I feel anger rising into me, I need to go.  
I take my backpack and go toward the door to go to school.

_**Sara POV:**_

I follow her from far behind, giving her space. I know she's angry, I saw it into her eyes and it scares me. I'm not afraid of her, I'm afraid for us. I don't want to lose her, I need her, I know I can't live without her.

As I thought, at school, questions fall from everywhere and everyone. I just say I had a fight with another girl that was much bigger than me and she hit me. Most of them take it but someone connected the state of my face with the state of Tegan's hand, even if she tried so hard to hide it into her pocket.

Jason, yes, at the beginning I was afraid he could give us away. But I find out that he prefers to say he was beaten by four guys than to say that a girl kicked his ass. When I hear him telling the story I chuckle. He looks at me with anger but I'm quite sure he will not make a move on me or Tegan.  
The day goes like that, questions and classes.

I really wanted to go back home with Tegan, but I see her go away with one of her friends.  
When I was half of the way home, I see a cute girl join me, I'm not sure but I think her name it's Becky.

"You look hot with that eye," she says boldly to me and I laugh.  
"Really?" I asked her with a grin on my face. Maybe she could help me.  
"Yeah, really hot," she says with a smirk, she's flirting with me. I take her by her hand. I feel so strange, I don't even know this girl, and this is the first time she's talking to me, and I'm holding her hand. I look at her for a long moment and I find she really looks like Tegan. I smile widely.

When we reach my home, she hugs me and goes away. She lives just a couple of blocks away.  
I look up for a moment and I see that Tegan is looking at my through the window, and when I turn to her, she disappears. I sigh and open the door.

_**Tegan POV:**_

It's been two weeks and I'm going crazy without my guitar. I don't mind I can go out. I mean, I really miss my friends, parties and distractions, but most of all I miss my music. I tried to write down some lyrics but it's hard for me if my hands can't fly on the strings.

I pass most of the time in my room, trying to read. I'm avoiding Sara again, I can't deal with her if I don't even have my music to vent. I think about her a lot and every time my eyes find her figure, all I can think about is her tongue caressing mine, and that's driving me crazy. I want to hug her so badly, just to feel her comforting heat. I don't need anything more, I just want her near.  
But she's busy now. I don't know if she has a girlfriend but I see her with Becky a lot. I can understand why she likes her. She's smart and funny. I know her because I have few classes with her. Sometime she asked me about Sara and I know she's really interested in her. I hope she's making her happy.  
I can see them walk just few meters before me, they're holding hands.

_**Sara POV:**_

I feel like someone is looking at me, I turn my head and see Tegan, and I instantly withdraw my hand from Becky. Every time I see my sister I always put some distance between me and Becky. I like her but I don't want Tegan to see me with her and think we are a couple. We aren't. She's very nice and all, and I think she likes me very much, but I can't be with her and we didn't have done much more than holding hands. The truth is that, I don't know, maybe she looks like Tegan too much and I'm afraid if I go too far with her, I will be incapable of hold back myself when I'm around Tegan. Or maybe this are an excuse and I just can't be with anyone while I have these feelings for her.

I go straight to my room as soon I'm home. Lately I spent most of the time into my room. I go out less then I usually do, since Tegan can't come with me. I went out a couple of times with friends that we don't share, or with Becky, but most of the time I stay home reading, or listening to music. I know that mum took her radio too, so sometimes I play music loud, so she can hear it. I don't really know if this help her or if that annoys her. But she didn't ever complain.

I hear a knock at my door.  
"Sara?" I hear Tegan's voice and it surprises me.  
"Come in, Tee," I say, I don't know why I called her that, time is passed since the last time I used that name.

She opens slowly the door, and enter. I see she has some books in her hand. School books. This takes me by surprise even more. She never asked my help with her homework. She's smart and she doesn't have particular problems with school.

"I'm sorry, I have this test tomorrow and I'm not really sure. Do you think you can help me?" she says shyly.

_**Tegan POV:**_

I know I'm making a fool of myself. But I really need company, I haven't seen anyone in two weeks after school. And I didn't even talked to Sara. I just need her presence, and to hear her voice. So I asked the first thing that came to my mind, help with school.  
I know I'm smart and I don't have problems with school, my grades are even better than hers. But I know that it's not because she's stupid or something. She's the brightest and intelligent person I know, she's just bored with school. But when it comes with something she loves or draw her attention, she's the best.  
I know she likes literature, so I took my books with me, even because I really have a big test tomorrow and I could use a little help.

She patiently listens to me as I expose things. I look at her feet most of the time, and I know she's looking intently at the book, but every time she looks at me, I can feel her gaze burning my skin.  
When we finish I look at her.

"Thank you, Sare," I say to her, and I see her smile at the name.  
"Anytime," she says. Then silence fell into the room.

I don't know what came into me but I go to her bed and sit next to her, she turns to me, her legs crossed. I reach out my hand and touch her face lightly. The bruise it gone almost completely. I slide my thumb from her temple to her chin. I can feel her shiver and her face turns pink. I smile.

"It's almost gone," I say to her, still smiling.

She nods without a word and smiles back. The lack of words makes me feel embarrassed and I withdraw my hand.

"I'm sorry Tegan, I should have said something to mum," she says, I know she feel guilty that I'm grounded.  
"It's not your fault... but I really miss my guitar," I say looking at my hands. Silence fill the room again as I think how my fingers crave to touch the strings again.  
"You know, they will never say to you but our friends really miss you, you are the life of the parties, you know..." she says, and then we laugh together.  
Then I ask her the question that it's really eating me.  
"So, how are you doing? How's going with your girlfriend?" I ask finally, I feel something sting my heart, a little pain in my chest as I speak the words.

_**Sara POV:**_

I laugh trying to ease the tension even if this is making me a little uncomfortable.

"She's not my girlfriend, she's just a friend, we are ok anyways," I say to her.  
"You really look like a couple," she says, but I just want her to let it go, I don't want to talk about her.  
"Well, we are not," I try to sound neutral, but I think I sound a little annoyed.  
"None of my business anyway," she says standing up from the bed.

She go toward the door taking her books with her, I think I pissed her off. She mumbles a thanks before leaving the room.

I lie on my bed and hug one of the pillows tightly to my chest. Is she jealous? I don't know but I miss her already. After days of her avoiding me, I crave her presence.

_**Tegan POV:**_

I don't know if I have to thank Sara, but I'm sure my test went very well. I want to talk to her but when I come out from school she is there with Becky, she's kissing her.  
I start to go back home, feeling pain into my chest. To see her kissing Becky made me feel bad and jealous, and I hate it. When I'm half way I feel someone wrapping their arm under mine. I turn my head and see Sara, she's looking at her feet and I see she doesn't look very good.

"Hey, are you ok?" I ask her, freeing my arm to rub her back.  
"I just had an argument with Becky," she says, without looking at me, but she steps a little closer.  
"What happened?" I ask her.  
"I... I was kissing her and," she starts, she was kissing her... I feel my heart fall, "and, I don't know, suddenly it felt so wrong... I don't know why... and... I blamed her," she says, and I don't really know what to say, or think. It hurts me to know that she was kissing her, and I'm happy she felt it wrong, but I hate that she's struggling about this.  
"It's not her fault... what's wrong with me?" she asks, and I freeze on the spot.

I am the one wrong and maybe sick, but she's so perfect, how could she think she has something wrong?  
I take her wrist because she hasn't noticed I'm not walking beside her anymore. Then I pull her into me, and I hug her tightly. I know it's not really necessary, and maybe I'm selfish, but I can't waste a chance to feel her pressed into me, it's a plausible thing to do, No? And, part of me thinks that my presence, my strength, my heat, could really help her.

"It's ok, Sara. There's nothing wrong about you, I promise," and I squeeze her, I think she will push me away any moment. She doesn't really like to be touched by me, even more in a public street. So it's totally unexpected when she nuzzles her face into my chest. I start to play with her hair and place a kiss on the top of her head.  
"There nothing wrong with you Sara, you're so perfect," and the last part came out as a whisper. I feel her squeezing me and then chuckle softly, melting my heart with the soft sound. Then she lets me go.  
"The man who will conquer your heart, will be the most lucky man in the world," she says looking at me.  
A man... _Sara, no one can have my heart entirely_. The thought hit me hard.

_**Sara POV:**_

I see her face redden hard, and suddenly I see her go weak, like her knees couldn't support her weight anymore. I take her into my arms and after few moment she's again on her legs.

"Hey, are you ok?" I ask to her, looking at her worried.  
"Yeah, I felt dizzy for a moment," she says, avoiding my eyes.  
"Let's go home," I say to her, walking near her, with our shoulder brushing and ready to catch her if she falls.

Few minutes later we are home. I see her go to her room without looking at anything. I go to the fridge and take a bottle of water, and then I go upstairs and knock on her door.

"Hmm?" she hummed,  
"How're feeling?" I say opening the door without even asking her permission.  
"I'm just tired," she turns to face me, "anyway, thank you, I think I did great in the test," she adds smiling.  
"Yeah!" I cheer, patting her jokingly on her arm. I hand her the bottle of water and she takes it gladly. I stand from her bed and go back to my room without further words.

We are both awkward and it's awful. And the worst is that the more we avoid each other, the more I want her.

I hear the a door slam and then another, she's into the bathroom and I after a few moment I can tell she's into the shower. For a moment my mind gives me images of her naked body, with drops of water running on her skin. I feel a pulse between my legs and I know I'm blushing hard. I'm glad no one is here to see me. I slip a hand into my pants, but before I can touch myself I withdraw it. There is a thing I need to do.

_**Tegan POV:**_

I feel much better after the shower, water always wash away part of my thoughts and I'm glad my mom isn't at home because sometimes she get mad when I take really long shower. I dry myself and just towel dry my hair. I put on some pajamas and go back to my room.  
When I enter the room I freeze for a long moment. I can feel the tears forming into my eyes as my gaze go to the guitar placed on my bed. It's Sara's guitar. There's nothing she loves most, nothing she's most jealous about. She never lets me touch her guitar and now she's giving it to me.

I run to the bed and take it in my arms, I just let my hands play freely and the biggest smile light up my face.  
I love her so much into this moment. I really love her and I need to thank her for this.  
I run to her room and open the door without knocking.

_**Sara POV:**_

I am under the sheets, I'm panting and I hope she doesn't notice. She almost caught me with my hand in my pants. I heard her running toward my room and I withdrew my hand in time and shifted onto my side so my back is at the door.  
My index and middle fingers are wet with my fluids and I don't know what to do. When I hear her approaching the bed, I slide my fingers into my mouth trying to clean them, my head is under the sheets too, so I hope she can't see me. This is something new for me, I didn't ever do a thing like that. I always felt kind of... disgusted by things like this. It takes me by surprise to find out how sweetly I taste.

I feel that the mattress moves under her weight as she sits near me. She stands again and I thought maybe she has changed her mind or she doesn't want to wake me, and she's about to leave. But I'm wrong. I hear her footstep and after few moments she's sit on the other side of the bed, facing me.  
She take the sheets and gently takes them off from my face. For a minute I can only hear her breaths and I can feel she's smiling even if I can't actually see her.

"You are so perfect, I love you so much Sara," she says, and my face is on fire like my heart. I know she doesn't mean it like that but my heart explodes at those words anyway.

She bend on me and place a light kiss on my cheek. For a moment I hope she will stay her with me, she will kiss again me, but instead I feel her sliding and hand under the covers.  
She takes my hand and pull it out gently. _SHIT, the fucking hand I had into my pants._

I feel that my heart pumps so fast I could have and heart attack, I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. When I feel her soft lips kiss the back of my hand I freeze. Then I shift on my back again, and turn my head on the other side so she can't see how red my face is.

_**Tegan POV:**_

I kiss her hand and I smell it. I smell it on her fingers. Suddenly I see images in my head, like a movie. I see her under the sheet, moving her hips, I see Sara's hand working and pleasuring herself, I can hear her soft moans, her lips parted and her tongue licking them. Maybe her other hand is touching and squeezing her own breast. I can feel my own wetness into my pants. I know that my breath is short and my heart is beating faster. Those images and the scent of Sara's sex drive me wild. I put all of my will power to restrain myself but I fail.  
The tip of my tongue meets her fingers, touching them shyly. Then I let my tongue slide between her middle and index fingers, their entire length. I curl my tongue around her fingers and then I put them into my mouth.  
I let out a long, low, moan. But I'm not the only one, I hear Sara moaning too as I suck on her fingers. I know I'm affecting her dreams, and her moans are driving me insane.

I lie on the bed with Sara and put a hand on her stomach. I know I will go to hell for this but I can't care less in this moment. I don't even care if she's still asleep, her scent just takes a hold on my mind, like a drug, I'm not in charge anymore.  
I trace few circles around her belly button before sink my hand into her pants.  
A strange sound escape my throat when my fingers meet her wetness. I can't believe how wet she is. I feel a movement near her head and I look at her, she has her forearm on her face, covering her eyes, but she can't hide her red cheeks.  
I touch her clit with my middle finger, rubbing it gently. I notice she's holding her breath, but when I press a little more on her bundle of nerves, she parts her lips and let a moan slip outside.  
I put my weight on my elbow so that I can touch her hair. I massage her scalp while my other hand is still working lightly between her legs. Her hair are a little damp and in a way I find it sexy.

Suddenly I see her body quiver, and when I look at her again, I see she has her forearm on her mouth now as I stop my hand between her legs, she's panting and shivering. I continue to play with her hair and few moment later I can feel her body move to meet my hand. I look down again and I see her hips moving under the sheets, and I'm like hypnotized, I can't move and I feel my heart in my throat and in my core as she moves against my hand.  
With the next raising of her hips, I plunge my middle finger into her and look at her face again as she's trying to muffle her moans biting hard on her arm. She slow her movement for a moment and I pull gently into her, she's so wet that my mind tells me I could sink another finger without a problem, and after a couple of thrust, I do. Sara raise her hips more than before, sucking my fingers into her up to my knuckle with a wet sound. I swallow hard. It's the first time I'm doing this to someone else, and it blows my mind to feel how much her body wants me, I don't know what she has on her mind, but I know her body wants me deep into her. I feel shivers along my spine and I'm breathing heavily.

I start to thrust deeper and faster, blushing hard at the sound that comes from under the covers, the warmth and the tightness. I've never been wet like she's now, and like I'm right now. I squeeze my legs to help the pulse I feel, and I can't hold a moan. Then I feel it, her walls are embracing my fingers tightly and my heart stop into my chest when I feel her shake under my touch and her cum cover my hand. She slows her peace then stop. When I look at her again, my heart drop to the floor when I see tears.

She's crying silently and I want to die, I want to disappear from the Earth for what I've done. The worst thing is that I'm still inside of her but I'm frozen, I can't move.  
I take a deep, trembling breath then I slowly slid my fingers off of her and I see her squeeze her eyes and bite hard again on her arms as more tears fall from her eyes.

I can't look at her anymore, I have to run away from her. I feel like a monster and what makes me feel even worse, is that given the chance, I would do it again. My temples are pulsing when I run out from her room and into mine. As soon I am into my room, I fall on my knees and start to cry. My hand, still covered with her juice, on the carpet.

_**Sara POV:**_

I feel Tegan breath speed up a little when she kisses my hand, and just few second later I feel the tip of her tongue touching my fingers, the same fingers that a second before were in my mouth, and less than 30 seconds before were into my pants.  
My heart stops into my chest, and my breath catches into my throat when I feel her tongue tracing my fingers and then her lips closing around them.  
I feel her sucking on my fingers like she's savoring the sweetest fruit, and I can't hold a moan that vibrate in the air mixed with the sounds Tegan is making. If I weren't that embarrassed I would enjoy the sexy song we are making together.

I feel her lie on the bed near me, and then I can tell she's slipping her hand under the covers to rest it on my tummy. Her hand it's warm, and even if my muscles tense for a moment, relief spreads from her hand into my entire body. I don't know why, even if I'm madly scared in this moment, the heat she's giving to me is so comforting that I relax under her touch. But it lasts not very long. She's drawing circles around my belly button sending shivers everywhere, and goosebumps erupt on my skin.

Her hand slowly goes down, under the waistband of my pants, and when I feel her hand encounter the mess there, I hear her whimper. She sounds surprised and excited at the same time. And even if I'm horny and excited more than she could ever think, I'm also embarrassed and ashamed. I can't believe this is happening, I can't believe she's touching me there. That was the only thing she didn't know about me, but now she's there. Her hand is touching the most private part of my body. I feel like I could split in two, part of me is screaming how much this is wrong, how much this is not supposed to happen, but the other half of me says that it's the only thing that makes sense. We are the same, she's me and she's mine like I'm her and hers. We were supposed to be one and there's nothing I can hide to her and even that part of my body it's hers. But I'm even afraid that after this there's nothing I could do to avoid her hold on my heart. After this, I can't claim my heart as mine anymore. And I don't know if this makes any sense but it's what my soul is telling me, and even if I'm scared, I give myself to her.

I put my forearm on my face, trying to hide my emotion but I can't help the heat coming to my face. I know I'm red on my face, like if I were on fire. I am on fire.  
She touches my swollen button and I hold my breath. I want to cry and scream and I know that if I breath, I can't hold the sounds that threaten to escape my mouth. But I can't hold myself anymore when she pressed a little more.  
I feel her moving on the bed, and while she's working softly between my legs, she caress my hair with the other hand. It's a gentle touch, like she wants to tell me that it's all ok, that she's here for me, that she really cares. Or maybe it's just me, hoping all those things, hoping she's not just having fun or using me. I don't want to think about that, I don't want to think it's just lust, or about hormones, I need to think there are feelings involved if I want to survive this.

Then she presses a little too much on that spot that it's now too sensitive. Suddenly it's all too much and my body shake against my will. I have to bite my forearm to arrest the cry forming in my throat.  
She stop her hands and I have few seconds to breath and try to calm myself. But I can't, her hand flat into my pants make me feel even more uncomfortable, and anyways, now there's no way I could stop. It's comforting to still feel her other hand playing with my hair. I don't want her to freaks out, but I need this so I start to move.

I start to move under her hand, I need the friction, I need to feel her, I want her, I want her inside of me and I can't even tell her, so I raise my hips and her hand rubs against me again.  
I don't know if she's reading my mind or what, but after a few thrust she slips her middle finger into me. I'm so desperate for her touch that I need to bite hard again on my arm to hold my cry.  
I want more of her into me, and maybe there's a kind of connection indeed, because a moment later, another finger is into me. I raise my hips again, desperately wanting her to be into me deeper, for a moment I think I could suck her into me and became one with her and feel complete for the first time in my life.  
She swallows loudly and I don't know if she's scared or what. I know I'm scared because this is the first time I feel like this, is the first time somebody is touching me and the first time I feel that my body needs someone desperately.

She starts to thrust deeper and harder and I can hear the sounds coming from us. The sounds of her hand moving into my impossible wetness. And that when I start to cry. I've never been that wet and I never heard it so clear and loud and I want to disappear, I don't want her to look at me or hear me or hear us, I feel so embarrassed that I start to cry. And I feel stupid because I'm embarrassed about a stupid sound when the big deal is that my sister is inside of me, and even if I feel like I could die, there's no place I'd rather be. And that inside of me, is the only place I want and need my sister. But the feeling of her knowing how my body react to her, it's so strong that it's overwhelming me, and tears are the only way to vent now.

Then I'm there, on the edge, approaching the orgasm my sister is giving me. And with a final thrust, I meet her hand moving my hips to take her deeper, and I feel everything inside of me tensing, my walls clenching desperately around her fingers, like my body don't want to let her go ever again. It's the first time this is happening with something that are not my own fingers, and it's so strange to welcome somebody else into me, it's all feel so special and all of this makes my orgasm strong.

But suddenly I feel that something it's wrong. She's not breathing and her hand it's immobile into me, I feel panic into my chest. She takes a deep breath and finally takes off her hand.  
I don't quite understand what is happening but I miss her the very moment she withdraws her fingers from me.  
The next thing I know is that she's running away, and then it hits me, she saw me cry. She saw me cry and she thought I was crying because she was hurting me, not my body, but my soul and my mind. She thought I'm regretting what it's just happened. How could she thinks I'm regretting the most beautiful and intense experience I've ever had? Is she think this will divide us? Jesus, will this throw us apart? God, don't let this ruin us.  
I turn to my side and hug my pillow tightly. I can still fill her scent and her warmth, so I inhale deeply.

"Please Tegan, don't run away," I say sobbing, "I love you."


End file.
